How to Choose an Executor or Trustee You Can Trust

The Most Important (and Overlooked) Estate Planning Decision

So you’ve decided who gets what. But who’s going to ensure your wishes are carried out? People think about asset distribution for years, but often overlook how important it is to choose the right executor or trustee. It’s a big decision. Your appointed person (or institution) will manage your assets, settle your debts, and honor your wishes.

Let’s go over the difference between executors and trustees, what responsibilities they carry, and how to choose someone you can truly rely on.

Executor vs. Trustee: What’s the Difference?

Executor

You can appoint your executor in your will. They will manage your estate after you pass away.

An executor’s duties include:

• Paying debts
• Filing taxes
• Distributing assets through probate

Once the estate has been completely settled, the executor’s role is complete and ends.

Trustee

Trusts are optional parts of estate plans. You can appoint yourself or someone else as the trustee of your trust.

The trustee manages the assets held in a trust. The trust may continue on for years or even generations depending on state regulations around generational trusts.

The trustee will be responsible for investing, protecting, and distributing trust assets according to your instructions. They can accept the role while you’re alive and continue to manage your trust long after your death.

The same people can have both the role of trustee and the role of executor, albeit it may be too much responsibility. It’s important to choose trustworthy and financially responsible people to fill these roles.

The Core Qualities to Look For

Trustworthiness

Your executor/trustee will be given access to financial accounts and sensitive information. They will know about your assets, debts, and other details.

You want to pick someone with integrity and financial experience. One without the other can be a big problem down the line.

Organizational Skills

Managing an estate requires handling paperwork, deadlines, and legal filings. Taxes can be complicated, especially if you have a complex or large estate.

Detail-oriented and proactive individuals tend to do the best when it comes to managing an estate or trust. Otherwise, it is easy to overlook legal and financial details, resulting in delays, tax problems, or asset distribution mistakes.

Financial Responsibility

Whoever you appoint as the trustee or executor should be comfortable with taxes, budgeting, and long-term investment oversight.

If your loved ones are all incapable of managing financial obligations and details, you may want to appoint a professional to manage your estate or trust instead.

Communication Skills

Your appointed executor and trustee need to coordinate with attorneys, accountants, and family members. While it could help if your appointees are already in your family, it could also cause conflict if you have any special will or trust conditions.

A good communicator can help prevent conflict and misunderstandings. They can stay on top of everything related to your estate management.

Emotional Stability

Many people overlook how settling an estate can be stressful. Ideally, you want to choose someone who can stay calm and objective, able to carry out your wishes without letting their personal opinions and feelings impact them.

Availability

Make sure to pick someone with the time and willingness to take on the role. If you know someone is very busy, such as currently struggling with health or financial concerns, they might not be a good pick.

Family Member or Professional: Which Is Right for You?

Family Member

Many people pick a family member as their executor or trustee because:

Pros:

• Knows your family well
• Understands complex relationships
• May waive fees

But it’s not all good to pick a family member for estate planning. It can create a lot more conflict in many households.

Cons:

• Emotional bias
• Can worsen family tensions
• Lack of experience
• Lack of financial responsibility

Friend

Do you have a friend who comes to mind when you’re estate planning? They could be a good choice, but consider it carefully.

Pros:

• Usually more objective than family members
• Reliable and trustworthy
• Less likely to cause family drama

Cons:

• May lack time
• May not be financially adept

Professional or Institutional Trustee

Pros:

• Experienced
• Neutral
• Legally accountable
• Ideal for complex or large estates

Cons:

• Expensive
• May feel impersonal

Tip: You can name co-trustees (e.g., a family member plus a professional) for balance between trust and expertise.

Legal and Practical Responsibilities

Let’s go over the responsibilities of executors and trustees to help you better decide who will make the best estate manager.

Executor duties

The executor or co-executors will work to file your will with the probate court. Note that probate court records are public, so anyone can look your distribution details up.

Executors will need to notify heirs to tell them about what assets they will receive. Any assets that remain (such as ones you neglected in your will) can be distributed according to their discretion.

If you have any creditors, your executors will also need to manage debt. This may mean using your estate money to pay off any necessary debt.

Executors also work to manage your estate taxes and other expenses.

Trustee duties

Your trustee will manage any of your trust investments.

They will distribute the trust funds according to the trust’s terms. If your trust’s conditions have not been met, the funds cannot be distributed.

The trustee will deal with trust records and tax filings.

The trustee also is expected to act in the beneficiaries’ best interest, which is known as their fiduciary duty.

Important: Both roles carry serious legal and financial obligations. They are not honorary titles that can be given to show who you care about.

Questions to Ask Before You Decide

Are they willing and able to take on the role?

Being the executor or trustee is a big responsibility. Not everyone is willing to take on the role of managing your final wishes, especially if they have to do so after you pass away.

Do they understand and respect your values?

There can be conflicts between your designated executor/trustee and your wishes. This commonly occurs for asset distribution. For example, if you are giving your money to your family but each person gets a different amount, your executor may struggle with carrying out these wishes.

Can they remain neutral if conflicts arise?

Your executor/trustee needs to be able to manage your estate or trust even if there are disagreements.

Do they live in the same state?

Generally, you want your executor or trustee to live in the same state for easier administration, though this may not be a priority since oftentimes it takes years or decades before they even end up needing to carry out your wishes.

Do they have financial or legal experience?

It’s often optimal to choose people who are comfortable dealing with estate plans, trust logistics, taxes, and paperwork.

If your chosen ones have limited financial or legal know-how, they might have to seek out expert help for estate management. This is fine unless they are unwilling to have an expert assist them.

Pro tip: Discuss your estate plan openly with potential executors/trustees before naming them. Never surprise them after the fact.

How to Officially Appoint an Executor or Trustee

For a Will

Remember to name your executor in the will document. Don’t just tell someone they will serve as your executor, as this usually won’t be legally sufficient.

Add an alternate executor in case your first choice can’t or doesn’t want to serve.

For a Trust

In your trust agreement, you will need to specify the trustee and successor trustee. The successor trustee is meant to take over in case the trustee becomes incapacitated.

Are you planning to have a complex trust, like a dynasty trust or a charity trust? Consider naming a corporate trustee for long-term or complex trusts.

Legal help

Estate planning platforms like LegalZoom are excellent for creating or updating estate documents easily. These documents are valid and convenient, which takes a lot of pain out of estate planning.

When to Update or Replace Your Executor or Trustee

Life happens. Sometimes, you will need to replace your designated trustee/executor with someone else. It is prudent to review regularly and make necessary adjustments after major life events, such as:

• Marriage
• Divorce
• Death
• Estrangement

Age or health

If your appointee becomes too old or ill to serve as your trustee or executor, you need a backup designation. This often happens for people who create a will early on life, and realize the chosen executor is no longer suitable due to medical circumstances.

Relocation

If your chosen executor and/or trustee moves to another state, administration may become complicated.

Change in estate complexity

A growing business or larger assets may and estate need a professional trustee for tax complications.

Tip: Review your estate plan every 3–5 years or after any major life change.

The Role of Life Insurance and Professional Support

Life insurance

Life insurance payouts upon your death can provide immediate liquidity for estate expenses, taxes, or inheritances.

Ethos is our preferred life insurance provider. Ethos offers easy, affordable coverage to complement your estate plan.

Professional guidance

Attorneys and financial planners can help you identify qualified candidates and ensure your estate plan is valid.

Consider splitting duties. For example, you may want one executor for personal matters who is more knowledgeable about you and your loved ones, and then a financially savvy one for business affairs.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Choosing someone out of guilt or obligation

It’s hard. You might have that one person who you feel like should represent you after you die. However, it is almost always not recommended to choose someone because you think that you owe them this choice. They may not be a good executor or trustee even if you care about them deeply.

Appointing a person without asking first

Ask first, then write them into your will or trust agreement. Blindsiding people with the designation can lead to conflicts and distress when you are no longer around.

Selecting multiple family members who don’t get along

This happens a lot. For example, people may choose two children to be co-executors of the will, but those children might have decades of conflict and tension. This will probably not go well.

Forgetting to name alternates or successors

If you are the trustee for your living trust, you need to remember that you need to appoint a successor trustee. For executors, it is also good practice to name an alternate in case the first one is not in a position to manage your will.

Not revisiting the decision regularly

Divorce, death, estrangement, finances, and other relationship changes can affect who you should appoint as executor and trustee. It’s advisable to review your estate plan every 3-5 years and after any major life changes.

Conclusion: Choose Wisely, Protect Fully

Picking the right executor or trustee ensures your final wishes are honored and spares your family from unnecessary distress. A lot of people feel forced to name their spouse or children as the executor or trustee, but this is often a mistake if their loved ones are not financially or legally adept.

Take your time to choose your executors and trustees carefully. It is one of the most meaningful decisions you’ll ever make.